Transformation Thursday: Saved and Single!

I'm single.  Not unworthy.  I'm single. Not lonely.  I'm single. Not broken. I'm single. Not dead.  I'm single and saved.  I'm single.  I'm single.  I'm single.

I was trolling one of my favorite blogs www.abelleinbrooklyn.com and I read Belle's discussion on the http://survivingdating.com article The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely.  My first reaction to this title was huh? Really? Has CNN, WashPo, HuffPo, and NYTimes brainwashed us to believe this nonsense?  I immediately went on the defensive.  The article written by dating expert Deborrah Cooper, blames church for black women being single.

"Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced. It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that's who!

This is the true reason that there are so many single, never married Black women in the United States - Black churches. Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women."

I do not agree with this article, although it does so eloquently argue many points that are valid and make sense.  Are we suppose to not focus on the one who gives us strength and focus on work, social life and other things to find a man?  Some may argue that giving up the church is not giving up on God.  But, I would argue that you need that covering, that fellowship with like minds who are there to do one thing and one thing only to worship God just one more chance.

"Single Black women trying to live a sanctified lifestyle won't be caught dead in the places where men are likely to be found. These church women refuse to go to parties, sports bars or sporting events, or clubs where there is drinking, card playing, domino throwing, shit talking and cussing – you know, the things that most men who enjoy life like to do.

 There are millions of really great guys out here that would love you to the depths of your soul and stand by you. There are many single men that will happily honor your spirit and desire to leave your mark on the world. However, he may not EVER set foot in a church, read the Bible or even pray."

Cooper then goes on to argue that there are great guys out there who won't step foot into the church.  Really? I'm sure there are. But, I don't want and am not looking for those guys.  Not all men who are in church or love God are gay, ex cons, or former pimps.  There are real men in the church looking for a legitimate relationship with someone.  Although there is the temptation of pre-martial sex. The courting or dating process   is what isn't enforced anymore in the church.  Its common for young couples to do any and everything before marriage, even though its not sanctified by God.   There is no way to blame the church for women being single.  Continue to do you and seek God first!

"When it comes to love, you need not fall but rather surrender,surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another. You must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another and most importantly you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another."  This is exactly how I feel, and won't take that fall until I find someone who is on one accord mentally, spiritually, physically, and financially.  Until then.  I'm staying saved and single!

Keep the Faith!

Until next time,
~E