Transformation Thursdays: Second Chances

Second Chances!

"We serve a God of a second chance" cue Hezekiah Walker

A few weekends ago I spent in Virginia watching my little sister graduate from my alma mater Virginia Commonwealth University with her BS in Radiation Sciences concentration in Radiation Therapy. A weekend full of date(s) (I know right?), fun, parties, clubs, festivals, family, friends, and tons of food, I truly enjoyed my time back on eastern soil. Friday night was spent in Cap City reminiscing with old friends and acting a plum fool at the VCU School of Engineering graduation. After many whoops and hollers we welcomed the Class of 2010 until to the wonder status of Alumnus of VCU SOE. Skillet drove down from NOVA (northern VA) to accompany me to the graduation festivities. Skillet is one of my best male friends you know the one you put in the “save for later file”. He is also an engineer, Christian man, and at the current moment single. We never dated before when in college, either he was tied down or I was tied down, and this is the first moment in time we are both SINGLE. Needless to say a lot of unnecessary flirting went on, and somehow he got invited to come to Texas in our good byes. Told me to send my dog to the sitter because he didn’t want him to get in the way, of what was going to go down.* I heart Skillet, but I don’t think we will ever cross that line of friendship. But, then again who knows? lol

After the SOE graduation we made our way to Happy Hour. I met up with my childhood BFF, my Ace, and we got a few drinks, mixed, mingled, and then me and my other BFF went home to change for the club. Got all dolled up, put on a new face, freshened up, skinny jeans on, cute top, fluffed the locs, big hoops, heals high, “You can’t tell me nothing” Mr. West. We made our way to the club early because we had free passes. Rule 1. Never go to the club early. There was no one there. I saw some familiar faces, but that’s about it. I was just happy to hear regular music. In Texas all they play is down south. I danced to some house, some Go Go, some Bmore club, le sigh. I had a blast, full night of fun partied with my girls and boys, drank a little something, and went home to bed around 3am. All in a days work!

Saturday was my sister’s graduation so I spent the majority of the day with the family. Going from one graduation to lunch at this fabulous spot called Mama J’s (soul food gave me the itis) and then to her final graduation. After which we drove back home the hour and half drive took about 2 hours due to traffic and accidents. During the drive back I received a text message from GameOver (remember him) yea saying that he would love to see me, that I wouldn’t be stepping on anyone’s toes, because he is single. So, I asked him what did he have in mind, he said to go to dinner, chill, he just wanted to see me. I was curious to see what he had to say and if I still had feelings for him, so I suggested we go to the African American (Afram) Festival to see Lyfe Jennings.

GameOver drove to my house to pick me up, came in and said his hellos to my mom, I am sure he felt awkward. Then we were on our way to the Afram Fest. In the car we just caught up on what was going on in each other’s lives. He told me about his new job, and I let him in on how my job was coming along. We made small talk until we got to the concert. Asking about current events, church, things we both know each other are interested in. We have great conversation. Then there was a pause. I look up into his big brown eyes and ask the question “What happened between you and the ex?” He ventured to tell me of their indifferences, her infidelity, his insecurities and trust issues, and then he said he shouldn’t have rushed into a relationship with her. He only did because he was lonely at school. All of his friends had graduated the semester past. He was seeking companionship, and didn’t want to treat her like he treated me. I thought you finally realized the grass is not always greener. That was my moment of clarity for the night. That’s when I realized that I still had feelings for him. I wasn’t the problem with us. He just wasn’t ready for a woman of my caliber. And for the first time in the years we have known each other he was honest with me. I appreciated his honesty and it made me feel like the Tin man finally got that heart after all. Its not that GameOver isn’t in tune with his emotions, he finally was able to express them without the fear of my feelings being hurt. All the while this deep heart felt discussion was going on Lyfe Jennings was in the background performing his few hits, many GameOver and I neither knew or heard of, but we didn’t even realize we were so deep in discussion. After he explained one thing, I went in and asked another. I wanted to know the truth. Why he broke up with me? Why he lead me on? Why wasn’t he honest from the beginning? Why ask me out now after he is fresh from a breakup? What he wants from me?

After the concert was over we headed to grab some dinner at Uno’s. They had a live band playing jazz, soul, and R&B hits we heard everything from Jill Scott to Stevie Wonder. The vibe made the night bright and it kept getting brighter from there. We laughed, flirted, ate, talked, smiled, and enjoyed each other. I remembered why I fell so hard for him. He calls me out on my bull ish and I do the same to him. He humbles me. He balances me. He makes me want to strive to be better, do better, dream. He understands me. GameOver knows how to stimulate my intellect in a way no man has ever been able to. I do the same for him. He is on my level. Thoughts run through my mind if I am opening up Pandora’s Box with him. I don’t want to be hurt again. And I typically don’t give second chances only God gives them, but I am willing to be his friend, even if he has other plans.** We end dinner and he drops me off at my parents house. The night ended with a hug and goodbyes.

From that night until the present we have remained in touch. Still discussing our goals, dreams, present, future, dating life, love, current events, and above else God. GameOver has entered my life once again, but this time is different. I have a peace about the situation. I thank God for GameOver’s honesty. I’m starting to like him again. Not for whom he was in the past because I forgave him a long time ago, but for the man he is now and to come. I’m growing fond of his character. His wants, needs, desires, dreams, goals, aspirations of life, love, and happiness. I’m not sure how many men in this life time that will cross my path that I will have a deep emotional connection with and who will understand me. One thing I do know is that these feelings I have for him won’t go away. Even when I thought they were gone. The question still remains where do we go from here? I’m in Texas he lives in VA. Do I give GameOver a second chance? Do we step out on faith? Do we want to try long distance? Do we continue just being friends and not exploring the option of a relationship? I remember someone telling me that if a man knows what he wants he goes for it. So, GameOver knows what he needs to do, but I refuse to wait for him. Whatever God has destined to be will be. We will both wait and see.

Keep the Faith!

Until next time,
~E

*There is more to the story of Skillet I’ll tell you as I am saving him for later lol

**He has told me in so few words that his plan is to just be my friend, but I know different. Proverbs 18:22 (if GameOver reads this he needs to ponder this verse)