"That's why you're single"

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"That's why you're single" is what I've heard now three times sitting in at lunch with co workers conversing about why my 40 year old white male colleague is still single never married.  The first time I heard this was when he made an off the wall comment about women not needing to work.  The second time was when we were discussing women and babies after he had gotten up from lunch and walked out of the room, a female coworker said "That's why HE is single." The third time was today when we were discussing women and retirement. He stating that women shouldn't worry about retirement because they choose to work and really don't have too.  Huh? Is that why he is single? Because his viewpoints are different and he isn't participating in the "GROUPTHINK" matra Erykah Badu was relating to in her new video "Window Seat"? 

I sat there puzzled.  That they not only once but three times on three totally different occassions called him out for his singleness.  Its his choice to be single.  I'm sure in his 40 years of existence he has come close to marriage.  He just hasn't married.  Haven't found that parter to spend the rest of his life with.  Haven't walked down the aisle, jumped the broom (sorry I couldn't help myself lol), or sanitfied the union before God.  Maybe its him and his off the wall comments? Maybe its his views on women? Maybe he enjoys his singleness?  Maybe this maybe that only God knows.

But, then it had me thinking.  Pondering. Wondering what they thought of me and why I am single?  Would they call me out? Or is it a different perspective because they are older and people at 40 should be married?  Or is there societal differences in how white people view marriage rather than black people?  Why did they call him out on his singleness as if it is a disease to be white and single?   Have we been brainwashed to think that marriage is the end all be all? Why do we feel like we have accomplished a goal in life and checked off the box off the list when we get married?  Why do married people look down upon singles?  Why do singles envy married folk? 

My point wasn't to take up for my coworker, but just to address the fact that we have been brainwashed to think that being single isn't being whole.  Being single is a disease.  Being single means being lonely.  All the while marriage is the ultimate goal in life.  No, it is not and shouldn't be.  You should be happy in your skin as a single person and if someone comes along the way, so be it, but live your life as you only have one to live.  You should be accomplishing all the goals, dreams, and when you do get married accomplishing more goals, dreams together.  You should stand up for yourself in situations like that and not be bullied into thinking that marriage is the end all.  Its not!  This is why our divorce rate in America is increasing everyday.  You have to be happy in your skin before you can make someone else happy in theirs. 

My mind is in constant motion if you can't move with me, move to the side....and "That's why I'm single" LOL

Keep the Faith!

Until next time,
~E