The most DEPRESSED time of the year!

My two men, Brandon Sr. and Brandon Jr. 


For many it is "The Most WONDERFUL Time of the Year" but for many Holidays = Depression.  I used to be the one who loved everything about Thanksgiving and Christmas and spending time with my love ones.  This year I am dreading it as it makes me realize how much I miss my son and how much I wish I was still pregnant almost ready to have my daughter. My son BJs first birthday is on Black Friday, November 29 and every time I think of this day I get depressed. I feel like my labor (pun intended) was in vain. I didn't come home with a baby. I think back to the 14 hours of labor and 4 hours of pushing and being wheeled into the operating room for surgery. I also think of what we should be doing if BJ was still here. We would be celebrating his 1st birthday with love ones. I still plan to celebrate his life and 1st birthday in heaven with my husband at his gravesite. When we found out we were pregnant in April and I knew I would be pregnant on BJs first birthday it made me appreciate the life that was growing in me. Since we lost Brielle in July I now think of how I should be 37 weeks pregnant (her due date was Dec 11), and scheduling our cesarean with her. This holiday season is even more difficult knowing that both of my Thanksgiving and Christmas babies aren't here with me. But I still have faith! I'm determined to not feel sorry for myself or depressed, because tomorrow is not promised to no one.


This holiday season I want you to remember to not take life for granted because it is not promised to any of us. You never know what others are going through and what memories are triggered during the holiday season. When you are feeling depressed, anxious, or sorry for yourself remember that you are here living, breathing and are blessed. No matter how hard or difficult life is remember to always give thanks to God as he is the reason for the season.

Although it may not be the most wonderful time of the year make the best of it by surrounding yourself with those you love and give to someone else!

Keep the Faith!

Until next time,

~E