No two pregnancies are the same and each birth and delivery is different. The same is true when you have lost children whether you had a natural delivery or surgery, recovery after loss is difficult and different each time. This post highlights the 5 untold truths after having a 2nd trimester miscarriage or infant loss. Many of these symptoms are true even if you have a living child, but when you lose a child these symptoms are magnified. These are symptoms that I had after recovery of my natural delivery of my daughter Brielle, who I lost to a 2nd trimester miscarriage at 18 weeks , and symptoms after my C-section with my son BJ who was born full term, but died shortly after birth.
1. Difficulty going to bathroom
Yes, you are right. I said it. No one told me that it would be difficult to poop after pushing for 4 hours with my son and 10 minutes with my daughter. I made a promise to myself that next time I am delivering even if it is a planned C-section I’m taking stool softeners a week before I go into the hospital. Stool softeners are your best friend. This symptom is the same with living children; it was just magnified with losing children for me. I wished that my labor was not in vain (pun intended) and that my difficulty pooping would be worth the pain.
2. Breasts will fill with milk
Your breasts begin producing milk around 12 weeks of pregnancy. So, if you lose a child after 12 weeks you will produce colostrum after the baby is birthed. I was not shocked that my breast filled up with milk after BJ was born. I think what shocked me the most was not being able to stop producing breast milk because every time I thought of him my breasts would fill up. I remember one time I started to cry the day before his funeral and my boobs started leaking like faucets. This made losing BJ very difficult for me as that milk I produced was supposed to feed him and I wasn’t going to have that opportunity. With Brielle, I knew that my breasts would fill up based on my experience with BJ, but my fore milk came in earlier. Cabbage was my best friend in both losses to dry up my milk. Once I was able to go a few days without crying or feeling sorry for myself, my breast milk eventually did dry up. A positive from this experience is that my body is capable of producing breast milk and my milk may come in even sooner upon delivering my rainbow baby.
3. You still have to pay hospital bills.
Paying back hospital bills for surgery and natural delivery of my heavenly babies still makes me upset. I dread that I have to pay a monthly bill for my children that are no longer here. I know that I received the best care and that the doctors did all they could for both of my children. The monthly reminder just doesn’t help my grieving process.
4. Your hair still falls out
Being pregnant back to back 2 years in a row with only 4 months in between them, took a toll on my hair. Naturally you gain strength and thickness in your hair while you a pregnant, but once those pregnancy hormones subside your hair slowly falls out. This may not be true for all pregnancies, but it was very true for me in both of mine. Around 2-3 months post-partum my hair began to shed, break, and fall out. Somehow I thought I would be immune to post-partum shedding after my 2nd trimester miscarriage, but I wasn’t at all.
5. Sleep Issues
Sleep deprivation is a truth for many new moms as they have to feed their newborns every 2-3 hours during their first few weeks of life. This was true for me after losing children although I didn't have to wake up every 2-3 hours I only could sleep that long after my loses. I would wake up in the middle of the night wishing, hoping I was still pregnant. I would look down at my belly and realize the dream I had wasn't true. This was especially difficult after losing my son with gas it felt like he was still in my stomach moving and squirming around. It wasn't until I was in a better place with my grieving process that I was able to sleep throughout the night. I still sometimes dream of my babies and wake up with thoughts of them that can't get me back to sleep. Those times I begin to write out how I feel and God always gives me peace and comfort and I'm able to get another few hours rest.
All of these symptoms will happen after any mom gives birth to a living baby they were just magnified for me after losing my children. Sometimes I wish I was told before hand that these symptoms would happen. However, I'm happy that one day I will experience them with my rainbow baby in my arms.
Keep the Faith!
Until next time,
~E
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