Transformation Thursdays: I choose me

.Sometimes it’s hard to move ya see?

When you growing publicly
But if I have to choose between
I choose me


Had two babies different dudes
And for them both my love was true
This is my last interview
Hey, that’s me


…I used to pray to God above
But now I’m filled with so much love
But even if the world can’t see
It’s still me

Me -Erykah Badu

They say people come into your life for a reason, season, and lifetime, the other day I realized that Spring is here and Game Over.  But I'm okay.  I received a text message the other day from this guy I was dating before I moved to Texas, lets call him Game Over, that said "I want to say that I miss you as my friend and I would love to have that back" 

Pause.
August 2008
Game Over and I dated, were serious, and kicked it before I moved down south.  For the majority of our courtship were in that in between zone, you know the one with no titles attached to it, but still exclusive.  At one point we had titles, until he acted like he didn't care, then those titles were quickly diminished.  That is when things started going south.  I knew I was moving to the Lone Star state after a few months of dating so we kept "kicking it" until I moved.  Basically he didn't know what he wanted, and wasn't honest with himself.  All along I knew that we would still be friends, and all I wanted was an apology that I recieved via text message. I forgave him, moved on, and choose to work on me.

Fast Forward.
August/September 2009
Game Over called me to tell me about a funny situation that happened to him involving my mentor from school.  To make a long funny story short.  My male mentor at school knew of Game Over through me, but never really met him.  Game Over met my male mentor by chance at a program my male mentor was facilitating about going to college for the summer camp Game Over was working.  My male mentor knew about our situation and I had recently told him I knew Game Over was dating someone we both knew very well.  Game Over proceeded to tell me of his interaction with my male mentor and made mention of this girl we both knew.  My male mentor laid into Game Over and told him about himself.  Game Over finally came out very reluctantly saying that he was dating aforementioned girl and that they were very happy.  After that phone call out of respect of him and his new relationship I fell back. I cut him off. I still considered him a friend, just from a distance.  Something I should have done a long time before, but this time there was no turning back.

Fast Foward.
December/January/February 2010
Game Over kept texting, emailing, tweeting, skyping me.  He was being nosey. I didn't respond.  I fell back.  He was cut.  The games were over. (Of course there is so much more to this story, but I know Game Over and he will read this blog)  I began recruiting my new 5 star line up. lol

Play.
March 2010
I responded back via text message saying that "I still consider you as a friend and to check your email no response needed."  In my email I honestly expressed myself about how I was treated and shouldn't even consider Game Over as a friend let alone an associate.  God only gives second chances, but I value building bridges not tearing them down and forgave him a long time ago. I wished Game Over well with his relationship and went on about my day.  He then responded to said email and said that he had been feeling the coldness from me, but it was to be expected.  Game Over said one thing that stood out to me

"...I would agree that you deserve to be treated better than the way I did and be truthful, I was not ready for the caliber of woman that you are at the time when we were dating" DING! Okay, now this is my rant. I realize that sometimes it takes people to get in another relationship before they realize what they had before was really what they wanted.  I understand. I get it.  However, what I don't understand is why aren't you honest with yourself from jump.  If you didn't know what caliber of woman you wanted maybe you should have taken more time out being single to figure that out.  If you weren't ready to be in a relationship then why be in one, just be single live your life.  If you wanted a friends with benefits situation just be honest about it and hopefully both parties will agree.  If you knew I was too much to handle and I was one of those Next Lifetime (cue Erykah Badu) married type/women then fine...I'll see you next lifetime.  I'm sure Game Over now realizes the grass isn't always greener on the other side.  Karma goes around and comes back around.  The moral of the story is to be honest with yourself and what you want from the beginning.  I won't go into the details of why this text message/email exchange was so random and out of the blue, but I do know that the Game is Over.

"Sometimes its hard to move you see. When your growing publicly. If I had to choose between. I choose me." ~Erykah Badu

I choose me!

Keep the Faith!

Until next time,
~E