Miscarriage vs. Neonatal loss

There are many commonalities and differences between having a miscarriage and neonatal loss. The main commonality is the grief process. A baby’s death, whenever or however it occurs, is a profound loss. Unfortunately, society in general and friends and relatives in particular often do not acknowledge that this wished-for child, regardless of gestational age, was a unique individual and an important part of your future. Others may find it difficult to imagine deep grief over a child you as parents may have seen or held only briefly, if at all. I've experienced this deep grief differently with the loss of my son (neo natal loss 11/29/12) versus the loss of my daughter (2nd trimester miscarriage 7/12/13) and thought I share the reasons why.

Let's define the differences between a miscarriage and a neo-natal loss. Miscarriages (often referred to as spontaneous abortion) take place between 4 to 20 weeks gestation of pregnancy. There are many reasons why miscarriages occur and most take place in the first trimester of pregnancy 4-13 weeks gestation. 2nd trimester miscarriages aren't as common and their typical cause is cervical incompetence or a weak cervix that begins to open causing pre-term labor. Still births are babies born still without a heart beat or babies who don't live from 20 weeks to 37 weeks gestation. Preterm labor is labor that begins before 37 weeks gestation. Not all preterm labor ends in immediate birth, in some cases the contractions can be slowed down to stop dilation of the cervix and keep the baby in the womb until they are ready to come. A neo-natal loss is the loss of a baby born alive that had complications during the time of birth causing their death. The main definitional differences between a miscarriage and neo-natal loss is that a miscarriage occurs between 4-20 weeks gestation and a neo-natal loss is a full term baby 36-42 weeks gestation.

Both of my losses (11/29/12 and 7/12/13) happened within 7 months of each other, and I quickly found myself numb to the pain of loosing my daughter to wanting to be near my son. I wasn't grieving the loss of my daughter because I wasn't finish grieving the loss of my son. Also, I was only half way through the pregnancy with her and I did not feel her move or kick just yet. I knew she was there and had a deep connection with her, but did not feel her move within me compared to my son.

My only pic of my baby bump with my baby girl taken the day before we lost her. 7/11/13



My son was born a full term baby at 39 weeks 5 days and I felt him move, kick, and squirm. I had swollen feet, ankles, and everything in between. My son spent almost 10 months growing in me compared to my daughter at less than 5 months. Trust me that grief is a roller coaster process, and I didn't know how much I missed my son until I loss my daughter. I wasn't attempting to replace him with her by getting pregnant so quickly after we loss him. My husband and I were in a good place with our grieving process and wanted to try again and we did not think we would experience another loss so soon.

I was able to begin grieving the loss of our daughter when I made my first trip to our sons grave site.




Many things held me back from going there, but I knew this was important in the grieving process for them both.

There are many differences and commonalities between a miscarriage and a neo-natal loss and these are my opinions based on my experiences. The main thing is that all of the babies lost to miscarriage, still birth, and neo-natal are in heaven and we have to continue to grieve properly, and live out their purpose on earth.

Keep the Faith!

Until next time,
~E