In honor of the last days of Pregnancy and Infant Awareness Month of October, this is a personal journal entry written the day we laid our son to rest.
Written December 7, 2012
Today is the day we will have a funeral for BJ. I'm at all levels of emotion. I'm feeling sad angry upset but then I'm happy we are celebrating him and all our family and friends drove into town to help us do so.
I am always reminded that God will never put more on you than you can bear of handle. Lord, I thank you for that egg and seed you planted to conceive BJ. I thank you for allowing me to carry him to full term 39 weeks and 5 days. Lord, I thank you for the labor and delivery and for allowing me to dilate to 10 cm and to push with all my might. I also thank you for him being delivered via cesarean although he couldn't come out naturally you were able to get him out and me out of operation safely. I also thank you for his birth and him living for 41 minutes. I thank you for his death even though I don't understand why. I know that it has brought me and Brandon closer together than ever and it's something that we have prayed for even in this moment. Lord I just thank you for life and for a healthy womb. Words can't describe the pain in my heart for not having BJ here but I know there is nothing imperfect about your plan. I'm just thankful to be used as a vessel even though I may not know now why! I want to be closer to you and continue to develop my relationship with you. Lord I pray that today goes according to your plan and that we will continue to give you all the praise and the glory. Please wrap your angels around me and Brandon and strengthen our hearts as we lay our baby to rest. We love you and always ask for your forgiveness of sins. In Jesus name I pray AMEN!
Strength, courage, hope, and love is what I hope to get from BJs service today. We pray that there is a lesson learned from his death but will continue to grieve and live life as God sees fit.
Keep the Faith!
Until next time,
~E
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