Ten things NOT to say to parents who have lost children

Having twice experienced the lost of children, I can say there were times when family, friends, co-workers, and church members said things that hurt, offended, and made me feel less than a mother. Although I know what was said was meant to help, I'm here to tell you that not all cliches offer comfort. Cliches minimize the loss and the emotions a parent has toward their child no matter how big or small. Cliches do hurt, but there is little we can say to such well-intentioned people. Since most people have not experienced child loss, it will be difficult for them to understand the length and depth of your grief and sadness. Another way family and friends may offer comfort is to suggest you have another baby. Family and friends need to know how important the baby that died was to you, and ask them to be supportive by listening.


Below are ten things that you should not say to a parent who has experienced the loss of their child and is grieving. These are statements that were personally said to me during my first weeks/months of grieving and my hope is that before you use a cliche to comfort someone you think about this post and the impact it could have on their grieving process. Be a listening ear and let them talk through their grief. Stay tuned to next weeks post for tips on what to say to comfort those grieving child loss.



Ten things NOT to say to a parent who has experienced the loss of children

1. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe God took your baby because he didn't want you to have children.

2. Thank goodness you are so young, you can still have more children.

3. There must have been something wrong with the baby.

4. I understand how you feel.

5. Your baby is gone and it was meant to be.

6. You have an angel in heaven.

7. At least you didn’t get to know the baby.

8. I guess its good it happened now.

9. You're fortunate you didn't bring the baby home from the hospital.

10. It’s just not your time to have children. It will happen when it’s the right time.

BONUS: 11. Don't worry God will bless you with more children.


Stay tuned to next week I'm posting the Ten things to say to comfort parents who have experienced loss of children.


Keep the Faith!

Until next time,
~E