Remembering BJ through YouTube families

When I was pregnant with BJ during 2012, I didn’t have many pregnant friends/acquaintances I could relate to that were experiencing the same things I was experiencing. I turned to Youtube and found 2 women who were first time moms just like me. Summer of 2012 I started watching Judy of Its Judy’s Life and Whitney of Dear Naptural 85. I remember I use to watch Judy’s pregnancy updates first because she was due a month before me. I then found myself relating more to Whitney because she is natural like myself and she was also due in November 2012. I found myself drawn to these ladies as they posted pregnancy updates of the emotional stress of becoming a first time mother. Although, I never have met neither of them, I felt like they were friends in my head over the internet.


Judy had her baby girl Juliana in October 2012, and I was so happy to witness the birth of her baby girl. That birth vlog went viral and has over 1 million views. Whitney had her baby girl Olivia on November 15, 2012 a week before I had BJ on November 29, 2012. When she posted her birth vlog I was in awe of how gansta she handled birth and delivery. She also experienced pre-clamsia and high blood pressure, and made me more aware of what I needed to do to stay healthy for the duration of my pregnancy and beyond. So, naturally after I loss BJ I was sad and didn’t want to watch my Youtube families anymore. I didn’t want to witness their children growing up knowing that I will never experience that with my son.


Slowly during my 11 week maternity leave I was drawn back to Youtube to witness their children’s firsts. I knew that my son BJ would be experiencing the same things that they were experiencing with their girls if he was still alive. I watched Juliana roll over and Olivia crawl. I watched both the girls go from liquids to solids. I watched Olivia take her first steps, and then Juliana a few weeks afterwards. I also watched them both turn 1 and how they were celebrated. I imagined what that would have been like with BJ. All of the firsts and being able to witness them through my youtube families was cathartic. I was hooked and I still am. There isn’t many days that goes by that I don’t check to see what milestones that Juliana or Olivia have experienced. They are 15 months old like BJ would have been this week. My husband doesn’t understand why I watch these families. However, I know it may seem strange to some, but for me it has been my therapy seeing Juliana and Olivia grow up into bodacious toddlers. It gives me a peace knowing how big and smart BJ would be if he was still here. Remembering BJ through my youtube families has given me hope that I will one day experience all of the firsts of my future children. Until then, I will continue remembering him by watching my youtube families, even though it may seem crazy. :D


Keep the Faith!

Until next time,

~E